You taught me that nobody cares until you’re dying or are already dead. You made me realise that human affection has boiled down to caring only when someone’s days are numbered or when the life has been knocked out of someone. But love, is that what I have to go through to hold your attention for more than thirty seconds? But then, how can I call you my loved one when I can only get your attention for no more than thirty seconds. If you really did love me, wouldn’t you shower me with affection every chance you got? I guess there’s only one way to find out.
I wish you’d talk to me for hours together because you enjoy my company, and not because I’m lying on my death bed.
I wish you’d smile at me every time you see me in the hallway rather then walk past me like I wasn’t even there.
I wish you’d ask me things about myself because you know I won’t say them out loud otherwise.
I wish you’d hug me more than once a year because days are numbered and people don’t live forever.
I wish you’d stop dismissing me every time I really need your help and help me not because I always do for you but because you want to help me out for a change.
I wish you’d let me know more about you, and stop ignoring my questions by a ‘why do you care?’
I wish you’d stop insulting every choice of mine, because the doubts in my mind are enough to knock me down.
I wish you’d stop abusing me every time I made a mistake, because I hate myself already.
I wish that you’d hang out with me and take me to places, because you don’t know how suffocating it can get sitting in your room for days because everyone is always ‘too busy.’
But most of all, I wish you’d stop saying ‘no’ with hate in your eyes every time I ask you if I’m your best friend, because I don’t think you realise, but I don’t have any.
I guess you can say that you won’t have to worry about my attention on you from now. Seventeen years was enough for me to realise that you never wanted me in your life, it was enough for me to back off, and more than enough for me to finally give up.
I hope you don’t feel the loneliness that I always do, and I hope you have companions to give you the attention that I wish I could give you. I want to thank you for what you taught me, but I know that you’d never even listen to the words that come out of my mouth.
All the love,